I’m not feeling myself at the moment. I think the old me is struggling and in a bit of trouble. Pressure with work, family and technology, meaning my poor old MacBook with its cracked screen, have left me feeling a bit of a shell.
When I was a bit younger I did have a tendency to get an panic attacks from making tough decisions. I was so afraid of regrets that I couldn’t make any decisions or take any chances, only because of the fear of realizing afterwards I settled on the wrong decision.
It got so extreme, I couldn’t even choose what sort of fast food to order without feeling incredibly anxious. However, now that I’m older, and have pushed myself and worked hard to overcome this fear, I’m almost an expert in making decisions, without any anxiety. Or I was.
Now that fear is starting to come back. I’m not back at the panic stage yet but it’s starting to concern me that I’m going backwards. I don’t feel I’m going backwards in my life, in fact I think I’m doing very well at the moment especially with work and with most things, although as with anybody else I still have things like to do better.
But little things set me off. Dropping my MacBook cause a stress reaction in me which I didn’t account for. But I think it was just a trigger on top of all the rest of the stress that I have been suffering from recently, and the smallest things now seem insurmountable.
I talk to my friend Kelly yesterday and she was in agreement with some things I said to her. She is also struggling with love, family, friends, everything and has been for years. She also feels every time she takes a step forward, she ends up taking two steps back. I think the reality is we are all moving forward in our lives, but when we are only focused on the day in front of us, and the day we just had, it’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture.
That’s why little things like getting a computer sorted out for a spare part can send us into a spin that seems bigger than it is.
I’m finding this blog really helpful to get things out and off my chest and I’m hoping that between this, talking to my family friends and everything of learn to my life, that I can overcome this.